It's been over a year now since the IVF miscarriage. We came to the decision, or rather understanding, that we've done everything possible to start a family. We couldn't have done more. Though it has been hard to grasp, we've done so and moved on with our lives. Yes, we still want children. However, we aren't pursuing it any longer as it causes so much heartache. If God chooses to bless us with a child, we will be gracious beyond measure. I couldn't possibly describe to you how excited we'd be. But for now, we've decided to move on with our lives as if it will always be the two of us.
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We both started going back to college as part of the decision to move on. Kyle is pursuing a degree in Business, though he will likely change his major in the near future. I was accepted into the nursing program at ABAC this semester and started tutoring with the AAC as well. It's quite a change as we rarely have free time to do anything, including making time for ourselves. But, we know this is temporary and before long we will graduate and have careers that will allow us to enjoy our lives to the fullest.
For me, nursing has been a desire for a very long time. I couldn't think of a better way to spend my life than to help others.
Kyle is finding out that he actually hates college. However, he is going to stick it out for at least one more semester dropping his hours down to 3 from 6 per semester. He hopes this will relieve his stress and give him a bit more time to relax during the day.
We could use prayers through this demanding time in our lives. Stress is something that keeps hitting us hard. Please just pray that God would help us to see the big picture, relieve our stress, and help us every step of the way.
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It's important to note that even though we've decided to move on with our lives that the struggle with infertility is still very real to us. This is a daily battle that I know I personally struggle with. We are reminded of this struggle frequently when our friends and family have children and when the new people in our lives ask us if we have any and are planning to have any.
I find it hard to come up with words when asked if we have children. I simply say "no." But in the back of my mind I think that they must be thinking that I don't want children. Part of me feels judged. But I can't just come out and say we've tried because not only do they feel like crap but I do as well. It's a no win situation.
This is the battle that infertile couples live with every day, whether they are actively trying to have children or not.
Please continue to pray for us, as long as you can commit to it, that we will continue to move forward and not let infertility bring us down. God has plans for us and though we don't see the entire picture, it must be good! If we can keep sight of that then I know we will survive, and not just survive but be joyful along the way too!
I have heard people talk about how their families or other people judge them for not having children. These people, however, are people that decided to be child-free. There is so much expectation put on married couples that the next step has to be children. It's unfair because it doesn't figure in what their plan actually is. And it doesn't figure in any obstacles they've encountered. People makes lots of assumptions, but for the most part, remember that people are often coming from a place of kindness. Yes, the expectation that you have children or are planning on it, is there, but please don't feel judged. If you don't want to explain further to them, then don't; you shouldn't have to do more than you want. Your reproductive journey is no business to others unless you make it. I'm sorry you have to encounter that. I'm sorry that there isn't a perfect response to give that'll keep people from prying but also isn't rude. <3
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