After taking a step back

I've updated most of our family and friends since the re-consult but I wanted to make an official post about it. It's also been over a month so we've had a lot of time to consider everything.

March 17th was our re-consult to discuss our IVF options. Dr. McCoy went over the costs and percentage rate for pregnancy. Kyle and I discussed it and we really feel like we are finished trying. We were blessed to have so many friends and family contribute towards the first round of IVF. We couldn't ask for more and we certainly can't afford another round on our own. It's not just that though. Neither of us feel that we could go through the stress it puts on us. The entire process is almost 2 months. 2 months of repeated appointments, shots, special dieting and the unknown. Last time we only got 3 eggs from the process and only 1 fertilized. The next time we could get none. There's no way to know and we don't have the money to gamble with. Then, there's always the chance we miscarry again. I'll be honest, I'm not sure I could handle another miscarriage. The first one was pretty bad but the last one was almost detrimental. I thank God that He brought me out of the hole I went in after that.

Changing subjects:

The job I was working at the time was a stressful one. The environment was simply an unhealthy one that I didn't deserve and certainly wasn't helping me in the baby making department. So, March 14th was my last day there. I put in my two weeks notice, worked it, and then left.

Our original plan was for me to look for another job. I had actually started applying for several jobs. After a couple of weeks I really felt like this was my opportunity to go back to school. It was something I had been considering off and on for the past few years but just never had the opportunity. With Kyle's approval, we took the steps needed to get me back into school.

I start school at ABAC on June 2nd for the summer semester. I'm starting slow with just 2 classes and a lab. For the fall semester I'll start going full time.

Bad news: They changed the HOPE Scholarship rules. You can now only get it within 7 years of graduating high school. It's been 11 for me so that's out. All Scholarships for 2013-2014 have been awarded so that's out too. This summer, I'll have to get a loan. $1,500 for the summer semester. :(

Good news: I applied for scholarships for the 2014-2015 year and was awarded $2,500. Hopefully that will cover most of it.

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After taking a step back, I've realized that God has brought me full circle back to His original plan for me. In 2005, I had applied to ABAC for their nursing program. I won't go into details but the reason I backed out was because of reactions I got from some of my mentors.

Since then, I've been going from job to job and always wanting more. That is, with the exception of one job that I did love very much but was let go due to budget cuts. I've always tried to go higher in the corporate ladder and was always pushed down because I was too valuable where I was. I was never selected for higher positions based on my resume because I didn't have a degree. It was frustrating to say the least.

Plus, those jobs were never really what would make me happy. Before selecting a job you should really sit down and ask yourself what it is that you enjoy doing. What would make you happiest?

I'm great at desk jobs. I'm great at watching kids. I'm great at working at Starbucks (I'm high energy and very friendly so I fit right in). I'm great at organizing. But, I don't LOVE doing those things. I'm fine doing them. I don't hate doing them. But, I don't LOVE doing them.

I love helping others. It doesn't matter what the job is or where it is, if I'm helping others I'm happy. This is why doing mission work was so enjoyable for me. It didn't have to be in a third world country either. As long as I'm helping someone in need, I'm happy.

In 2005, I truly felt like God was steering me into the nursing field. That's a job where I'm constantly helping others. It's a challenging job so I won't get bored and try to search for something more. It's a job that I can do wherever I go. I'm not limited to one location. God can use me wherever He see's fit.

What kind of nurse would I be? I've been asked this question and have given it much thought. I love kids but I don't think I could stick them with a needle. If they are crying I'd probably cry with them. So, I think that's out of the question. I love helping the elderly so that's an option. But, I've been thinking about specializing in oncology. I've had the opportunity to work in the Tift Regional Medical Center's Oncology department. While I was just a registrar working there, I was able to see what the environment was. All the staff are wonderful people. They always have smiles on their faces and they do their best to make every patient feel like part of the family. These patients are going through so much and thus need so much from the staff. My personality fits so well with this that I'm not sure I'll change my mind. Though, I do have 3 years in the program so I may.

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This doesn't mean that we won't have children, or won't ever try to have children again. I just feel like God wants me to do this thing first. If He decides to bless us with children after I get my degree then I'd be overjoyed. If He doesn't, then I'll understand that it wasn't His plan for me. I have to remind myself, and hold onto the promise, that when we follow God's plan we will be the most satisfied that we could ever have been without His plan.